inspired by izzy, here’s a list of videos that have recently left an impression on my mind.
music is so good for the soul. here’s some songs I just love love love rn! (yes lots of lany) x
after my final month of a life stuck to a waking-up-at-7am-and-dreading-6-hours-spent-in-school routine, it’s my third day of my new waking-up-whenever-and-doing-whatever routine. but within and between and during these past few weeks, so much has happened. took my ap tests. quit my job. rediscovered my passion for photography (loads and loads of film). thrifted a lot. gave skate lessons. ate a lot. learned about Starbuck’s scamming system and how to scam it. shot more film. watched my dad graduate. went to prom and actually enjoyed it. fell in love with cold brew. had my first swim of the summer. received my cap and gown. went vsco viral (lol). camped 7 hours to see the best band in the world up close.
and now i’m in the midst of waiting for graduation day. so weird so crazy but so ready. thanks Jesus, you never let me down x
i’ve never understood the film craze—in fact, i held an unreasonably biased opinion of “ :/ “ about it up until two weeks ago. after a few months of finding myself attracted to photos captioned “#35mm” as well as seeing my friends create beautiful film work, I could no longer deny my curiosity. I realized that film photography involves so much intention from the artist, with merely 36 exposures per roll. I realized the beauty behind the developing process—the patience of simply waiting for the film to do all of the work (no lightroom-ing; no photoshop-ing)…..
long at last, I decided to buy some batteries & film and actually shoot with my parents’ old film cameras (after years of them collecting dust on my desk). I had so much fun the first two days of shooting, only to realize days later that my camera didn’t actually capture anything (still don’t know know the exact reason why…just gonna use it as desk decor again lol). however, I was distressed yet determined, so I brought the other camera along to New York the following weekend for a (hopefully & prayerfully) successful shoot. long story short, the 72 exposures that ensued have brought me tears and jumps 4 joy! yay for intentional art! yay for film!
here’s a highlight reel (April 13 & 14, 2019)………..
I was at a loss on how to answer this college essay prompt: “A liberal arts education challenges you to think critically, reflect purposefully and broaden perceptions. Describe ways in which you seek to step outside of your comfort zone and challenge the world views you hold. (50-300 words)” 17,044 miles after my trip to the philippines, however, 300 words suddenly seemed too limiting for my answer. here’s what I was able to fit in (thanks god for holding my hand thru this writing process):
My mom is Filipino. My dad is Caucasian. Though I was born in Philadelphia, I once made Bangkok, Manila, and Honolulu my home—constantly in touch with my Asian half. Since moving back to the mainland in 2010, I have grown accustom to American culture. Though I speak my native tongue of Tagalog at home and beam at the mention of Asian food, I have developed the desire to act and look “American” at school, church, and elsewhere. I have contracted the habit of shrinking in shame when someone mentions my Asian half—including my almond-shaped eyes, my tan skin, or my pronunciation of English words. I feel a siren going off inside, forcing myself to study others and look and sound like them as much as possible. I have unconsciously built a fence, forcing myself to live merely one-half of who I am.
It was not until last week that I realized that I have not been living wholly. My family visited the Philippines for the first time in nine years, and though I was looking forward to skipping the ruthless cold of the East Coast, my expectations were not high. I merely hoped to take some tropical Instagram photos and eat some of my favorite Filipino dishes. However, I came back to cold Philadelphia with a new set of eyes. If I were to describe the three weeks in one word, it would be refreshing. Above the Instagrams and tasty food, I grew as a person. I learned about my other half that I have been suppressing for nine years. I fell in love with my own culture. Going back to school and real life this week, I hope to bring my new confidence. Everyday, I will choose to live both halves of who I am.
in case you happened to miss my instagram stories or posts, my family spent most of december 2018 in our motherland islands of the philippines. besides the jaw-dropping oceans and drool-generating dishes, I couldn’t help but take notice of the effect of wifi—or rather, the lack of it—upon the people and their culture. as something we Americans consider both mundane yet vital to our day-to-day existence, it didn’t take long for me to give all my attention to the single—and sometimes nonexistent—bar on the upper right corner of my phone screen. within the first few days of our stay, I soon grew frustrated at the weak signal from our own house—how could I go on for almost a month without updating my instagram story ? I thought. living in a country with an unwavering wifi signal has cut me short of patience and the will to connect to people in real life—I had grown dependent on three little bars to connect me to both the world and others.
days into the trip, after embarking upon adventures on mountains and deep in the Pacific Ocean, I realized that I was enjoying life way more than I have ever via my phone. finally, I understood how the filipino people could live lives of enjoyment, even without three bars of signal. I found beauty in walking through streets of people, every single head facing forward rather than swooping down at a screen. living for three weeks 8,522 miles away in the city of my childhood reminded me what life is really about. it’s not about asking “what’s your wifi password?” first thing after walking into a friend’s house. it’s not about putting headphones on and tuning into the virtual world powered by three bars. the filipino people taught me that life is for spending late, lazy afternoons with your great-aunts and chatting about anything and everything. they taught me that life is for going out to eat with the people you love, hands too full of food to bother about posting an instagram story.
suddenly, I am so thankful for a month of weak signal. life is so much better when you’re looking up rather than down. x
graduation is like seventy days away or something… here’s what i’ve been listening to in the meantime x